A Planetary Guide To The Best Air Jordans

Ah yes, the Air Jordan sneaker. A family of well-adjusted, well-reputationed, high-achieving siblings from the hills of beautiful Beaverton, Oregon. What's not to like about clan AJ? They have it all. With strong roots in one of the best states in the Union (N.C.) and repped all around the world, Jordans are not just good-looking and successful, they are also supportive and stylish.

The only problem is that you only have two feet, which makes one pair, which means you can only pick one to wear at one time.

We could use all the usual means to select which Air Jordan is our favorite, like style, color, and comfort. But why not dig a little deeper? Why not consult the ancient practice of astrology, the science of the stars? You wouldn't date a person without checking out their astrological aspects, so why would you buy a shoe without consulting the heavens to see if you get along?

Why indeed! Don't just scattershot your next Air Jordan purchase...consult this handy astrological guide, featuring our favorite classic Air Jordans.

You know you wanted this, so read on. And, as always, take it with a grain of salt.

How We Chose The Jordans

When consulting our crack astrological team, we stuck to a handful of the best Air Jordans here, all of which are considered classics. Here are the Air Jordan siblings we're analyzing.

Air Jordan 1 - born April 1985
Air Jordan 2 - born November 1986
Air Jordan 3 - born January 1988
Air Jordan 5 - born February 1990
Air Jordan 11 - born May 1995
Air Jordan 12 - born November 1996

Match them up with your personality, and watch the magic happen.

Air Jordan 1 - Big Brother Does it All

Sign of The Air Jordan 1: Aries.

Fueled by the Sun in the Tenth House of Aries, The Air Jordan 1 is assertive and courageous, but we already know that, don't we? Naturally competitive and fiercely independent, AJ1 got banned from the NBA and launched the shoe game into the Age of Aquarius.

Not surprising since this shoe gets a fiery boost from Mars and pushes the envelope with energy, enthusiasm, and perseverance. Just like MJ after he bounced back from an early-career injury to drape an auspicious 63 points on the decaying bastion of the industrial revolution (The Celtics) while wearing these shoes.

With Leo rising, AJ1 is always the center of attention. You will be too when you wear these kicks. And with a moon in Aquarius, you are no doubt an innovative effective leader, both on and off the court. Since Aquarius is an Air sign, don't forget to use your jumping ability to the fullest.

Dear player, when wearing this shoe, make sure you don't suppress your feelings. You may be able to execute the offense to perfection. But not everybody can, and your buried emotions may manifest in lashing out at "inferior teammates" or "pampered rookies" as MJ did, my quotes not his.

If you do find yourself yelling at others while you are wearing AJ1, take a breath and chalk it up to Mercury in the 9th house of Aries and maybe give the kicks a rest for a few days so they can dispel some of that highly charged masculine mojo. Having a good cry after a tough loss, (or when you lose out on a pair of AJs at the local reseller) will be good for you. Slip on your Yeezy slides and tune into your emotions like pre-meltdown Ye.

Air Jordan 1 finds security and safety through close relationships and long-term partnerships, so commit to this shoe and it will reward you with stylish and comfy service.

Air Jordan 2 - For The Hoops & Style Poet

Sign of The Air Jordan 2: Scorpio.

AJ2, your Sun is in Scorpio, meaning you have a fundamental urge to get to the depth of things, which can at times lead wearers of the AJ2 to be manipulative or power-hungry in their thirst for hoops or style dominance. Don't be the dude that snatches the rebound and then windmills his elbows with a snarl. Don't give in to your baser instincts and get caught up in some Jerry-Krause-feud-shizzle. Rise above, AJ2 playa.

Easier said than done. If you wear the AJ2, you have an intense passion for authenticity, chivalry, and truth. If the ball goes out of bounds off your leg, you will definitely call yourself out rather than risk the sanctity of your word. You don't taint the game, you taint the nets— with your jumper going swish swish swish.

Since the tenth house is at work here, you may be called to skip the stock colorways and buy something special (like the Ma A Maniere AJ2) to distinguish yourself from the normies.

Like you, this shoe doesn't have time for bullshitty fluff. It's responsible, practical, and prudent. It will execute a textbook drop step or hit the cutter with a backdoor pass that Dean Smith, Kenny Smith, or even King Rice would be proud of. Even so, expect some occasional flak from other playas. Your ambition and screen-setting prowess might wear on others who don't see the flyness of the AJ2 for what it really is— minimalist brilliance.

AJ2's moon is in Pisces, so if you like this shoe, you may be empathetic, dreamy, sensitive, and gentle. Playa, these aren't flaws. Embrace the contradictions and ball with your heart on your compression sleeve once in a while. Throw the behind-the-back pass. Double-clutch that fallaway j like Mike over Ehlo. Do you, and ignore the haters.

AJ3 - Baller By Day, Baller By Night

Sign of The Air Jordan 3: Capricorn.

If you are like the Air Jordan 3, you are responsible, serious, efficient, and rational. This can lead to power-hungry ambitions, like trying to jump from the foul line to dunk. You have a tendency for workaholism as you strive for success in these shoes. Don't overdo it at the gym; this ain't CrossFit, fellas, we don't care about your lats.

Emotionally reserved, you must learn to express your inner world and have fun. Basically, stop being such a stick in the mud and give us a smile after you send a brother's shot into the stands. Be the guy that talks smack for fun, not because you are too competitive for your own good. It's basketball, bromie, it's supposed to be a good time. Sure, you need to distinguish yourself from others by achieving goals, success, and responsibility. But don't let Saturn run the show and lose sight of life's joy while you are rocking your AJ3's.

AJ3's Rising sign is Taurus, so if you are wearing it you may come across as highly attuned to material things, including physical pleasure and hedonism. Stay away from gambling or anybody named Charles Oakley, Charles Barkley, or and you should be good. Dudes know you can ball, but you are also down to discuss juicy life issues after the pickup game since you are reliable, settled, and balanced. Don't hesitate to be a steadying force for a playa in need of support.

Here's a curveball for you. AJ3's moon is in the 8th house of Sagitarius, which means that if you like these sneakers, you find security and safety through the mystical portals of darkness and transformation— concepts reflected in the magically-inclined "cement" colorways of this shoe. Maybe these aren't great themes to explore in the gym, but when you hit the underground clubs, feel free to reveal your freaky side while wearing your AJ3s.

AJ11 - Born To Win The Game of Life

Sign of The Air Jordan 11: Taurus.

If you love the Air Jordan 11, there is no doubt that you appreciate the finer things, especially when they have a high level of utility. Since AJ11 is in the tenth house of Taurus (and with Leo rising), it's no wonder that this shoe distinguishes itself from any other basketball shoe on the planet. It's quite possibly the coolest shoe ever made.

Are you up to the challenge of harnessing its power?

AJ11 is uncluttered, dynamic, and magnetic. And so are you. You are the star of the show in these shoes. Your brash, bold energy makes you seem either like a know-it-all or a live wire—but always the center of attention. Don't trip when other playas label you a head case or call you nicknames like "Iverson" or "Marbury" or "Crossover Dude" or "Iceman". Just keep ballin' out, yo.

With the moon in Leo, you need validation from other people, which you'll definitely get wearing the AJ11. You got this.

AJ5 - The Basketball Dreamer

Sign of The Air Jordan 5: Pisces.

Air Jordan 5's Sun is in Pisces, meaning you are drawn to these kicks if you share its qualities. The AJ5 is for the dreamy, the insightful, the inventive, the genius. The signature mesh and see-through air unit are symbolic of your deep inner world— you pull from the void to create experiences that are quirky and unique.

Your always-on intuition helps you find the open playa with effortless no-look passes when you are wearing this shoe, but woe to the teammate who doesn't return the favor. If somebody offends you on the court or doesn't respond to a solid bid for Aj5's on Grailed, you have no problem cutting them off permanently.

You are an enigma. Don't be surprised if you get some weird looks from playas once in a while. Trust me, as a Pisces playing in Pisces Jordans, I know exactly how you feel.

However, Since AJ5 has Sagittarius rising, when you wear these kicks others may be drawn to your independence, optimism, and bold attitude like moths to a flame. Much like the fire on the side of these kicks, you are always ablaze. But if somebody asks you for your shoes at gunpoint, don't let that irrational overconfidence get the better of you. Give them the damn shoes.

Pisces is the prototypical water sign, so buckle up for the ride, AJ5. Use your proprietary lace locks to steady yourself. Beware: the Aries moon of the Jordan 5's may have you feeling impostor syndrome at times, kind of like when Mike played baseball for a minute but really didn't belong there. Don't worry. Channel your enthusiasm and your inner zest for life, and you will right the ship. Get your glow on, like the tongue of these shoes glows when the light shines upon them.

AJ 12 - The Thinking Man's Jordan

Sign of The Air Jordan 12: Sagittarius.

AJ 12's sun sign is Sagittarius, and if you are drawn to these kicks, you are fundamentally curious, restless, and independent. You have strong values and are sure about what's right or wrong. Woe betide the playa who oversteps his boundaries on the court when you are wearing this shoe. You live for freedom and freedom of expression, and his overzealous hand-checks or floor-slapping defensive hijinks may see him buried by a flurry of pull-up j's and crafty drives to the hoop as you punish the indiscretion like Jordan punishing Malone in 97'. If AJ12 was a state, it would be New Hampshire, cause you don't tread on it.

The AJ12 is the thinking man's Air Jordan, but that's not surprising since it has an Aquarius ascedant. If you wear this shoe, you come across as broadminded, intellectual, and prone to abstraction, though somewhat detached or abrupt in your dealings with other playas. You aren't into the grabass, and if somebody whips you with a towel in the shower or gives you a wet willie while you are shooting for the next game, they might catch an AJ12 straight to the nuts. You are a lone wolf; you get buckets, but your unconventional game may seem eccentric or pretentious to others. That's all good, you don't give a F.

AJ12 is a practical shoe, but like a samurai it also has a romantic, loyal, sentimental side, which is why playas who like the AJ12 buy it over and over again. The AJ12 may come in many different colorways, but the safety and security of the rising sun joints will always be the fav.